De beste moppen zijn altijd de moppen die we nog niet kennen. Dus: stuur ze ons op!
An American tourist in Tel Aviv was about to enter the impressive Mann Auditorium to take in a concert by the Israël Philharmonic. He was admiring the unique architecture, the sweeping lines of the entrance, and the modern decor throughout the building. Finally he turned to his friend and asked if the building was named for Thomas Mann, the world-famous author.
"No," his friend said, "it’s named for Frederick Mann, from Philadelphia."
"Really? I’ve never heard of him. What did he write?"
"A check."
Dov is an Jewish actor, so down and out he’s ready to settle for any acting gig that he can find. Finally he gets a lead, a classified ad that says: "Actor needed to play ape."
"I could do that, " says Dov. To his surprise, the employer turns out to be the local zoo. Owing to mismanagement, the zoo has spent so much money renovating the grounds and improving the habitat, that they can no longer afford to import the ape they needed to replace their recently deceased one. So until they can, they’ll put an actor in an ape suit.
Out of desperation, Dov accepts the offer. At first, his conscience keeps nagging him, that he is being dishonest by fooling the zoo-goers. And Dov feels undignified in the ape-suit, stared at by crowds who watch his every move. But after a few days on the job, he begins to be amused by all the attention, and starts to put on a show for the zoo-goers: hanging upside-down from the branches by his legs, swinging about on the vines, climbing up the cage walls, and roaring with all his might whilst beating his chest. Soon, he’s drawing a sizable crowd.
One day, when Dov is swinging on the vines to show off to a group of school kids, his hand slips, and he goes flying over the fence into the neighboring cage, the lion’s den.
Terrified, Dov backs up as far from the approaching lion as he can, covers his eyes with his paws, and prays at the top of his lungs, "Shma Yisrael Ado-nai Elokeinu Ad-nai echad!" (Hear O Israël, the Lord is our G-d, the Lord is one!)
The lion opens its powerful jaws and roars, "Baruch shem k’vod malchuto l’olam va’ed!" (Blessed is the name of His glorious kingship forever and ever!)
"Shut up, you schmucks," a panda bear mutters from a third cage. "You’ll get us all fired!
"Twee joden komen elkaar tegen. Zegt de een: "Ik heb een goeie mop voor je." Hij denkt diep na, en zegt: "Ik weet ‘m niet meer!" Zegt de ander: "Een vergeten mop? Dan weet ik een betere!"
